Ladies: Beware Of Cash, Carry And Dump | Independent Newspapers Limited
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Ladies: Beware Of Cash, Carry And Dump

Posted: Sep 28, 2015 at 12:00 am   /   by   /   comments (0)


It is no longer a matter of debate that the economic conditions in our country today have made travelling out Overseas attractive. Daily, we hear and read in the newspapers and on radio news broadcasts, hundreds of African migrants who have either been arrested in many European countries or reported to have drowned while attempting to reach the Promised Land.

Because of their proximity to North Africa, Italy and Spain have become the most attractive and accessible European country. Therefore, most of our youths have the burning desires to leave this

. Most of them, particularly those in America have without doubt, once married and with children. Most of these marriages they were involved in were known as “arrangee marriages.” That, in which the particular lady would agree so that he could marry the lady to enable him obtain resident Visa popularly called, “Green Card.” In fact, most of these “arrangee marriages” sometimes end in a disaster or dire consequences.

Because of this apparent hardship in the country, ladies have become easy preys to returnee suitors. Several men and women of our people are in the United States in particular and in Europe in general, all doing, “Ndogandoga” according to Flavour in one of his releases. There is no part of the world where Nigerians are not treated with incredulous disdain.

Year in year out, young men come to look for suitable ladies to marry. In many instances, most of these men are “young-old-men” who are in all probabilities in their very late forties and mid-fifties often try to play a fast one on American ladies, who of course have had several raw deals in the hands of some of our men.

One of the principal mistakes our men make is that often, they find it difficult to tell the girls that they already have wives even with children at homes. But in fact, in a very neat arrangement, the couple do not live together to avoid unpleasant consequences because, “how can a basket of eggs be left in the custody of a dog?” If the arrangement is properly made with full disclosure, there will be no problem. But more often than not, a man would move in, live with the lady and “true” love and pregnancy would emerge. In this case, the American lady would seriously believe that she is married in spite of the “original arrangee” status of the marriage. On the other hand, the man involved would have had another wife in Nigeria, perhaps with one or two children. He would be playing hanky-panky on the side of the Nigerian wife.

Another situation is that his parents would be disturbing him to come home and get married to a person of his tribe to be sure that his father’s lineage would not be extinct.  He would probably tell the American lady that all is well, “our marriage is intact.” With her permission, he would dash home to get married with a lady already waiting and hoping for a returnee suitor. Once the man comes home, everything will be done fast. Everything about marriage processes and dowry haggling and negotiations would be completed even in two visits including the now very popular “traditional wedding.” The man, fully armed with enough dollars, which when changed at ‘Ama Awusa’ in Owerri, Aba or Onitsha would result in heavy naira cash to spend. With this, he would do everything double to impress the in-laws.

But when the lady can’t join him or follow him immediately, he would remain the husband but slippery and cunning. Poor girl, hoping that soon she would be in the United States to join her husband. Unknown to her, what she has is either second or third “Tokunbo” husband.

First, he would tell her and the parents that he would be going back to US or Europe to prepare her documents. But before he leaves, one thing is certain, the girl would be pregnant. Even if the girl protests, he would say, “why worry? In the next few months, before your pregnancy becomes visible, you will be in America.” With such an assurance, a girl who has been hoping and waiting for a suitor cannot be blamed. She will say to herself, “at least I now have a husband in America or Europe.”

Once the man is gone, it will become marriage “on telephone.” The lady waits in frustration and anguish, her only consolation, “at least, I have a husband.” Following the long waiting, the man would continue to give her dollar support with which she could be comfortable. But such comfort without her husband at hand and around her would be incomplete comfort bereft of happiness.

Meanwhile, the man is back to his original “honey” in the US with whom he is living as a full-fledged wife, although the link between them is the almighty green card.