James Bond Country! | Independent Newspapers Limited
Newsletter subscribe


James Bond Country!

converastion of an angryman
Posted: May 2, 2016 at 2:00 am   /   by   /   comments (0)


 Michael John

Vesper Lynd: “It doesn’t bother you? Killing all those people?”

James Bond: “Well, I wouldn’t be very good at my job if it did.”

(Dialogue in the James Bond film, “Casino Royale.”)


Those of us who grew up watching James Bond, the unstoppable movie hero, should be familiar with happenings in our country. James Bond was agent 007. The double zero before his number meant he had the license from the Government to kill. It was not a license given publicly nor was it backed by a secret court writ. But it absolved him of police investigation and assured him of the cooperation of law enforcement agents in the unlikely event of a killing gone wrong.

James Bond (which role has been acted by several actors) was not sparing in killing (he had much pleasure in it). Within ten minutes of watching his many films, he would have aced out tens of dudes and that would be just the prelude to the action. I guess the only difference between James Bond and the Fulani herdsmen is that James Bond was a fictional character, but the Fulani herdsmen are real live “007’s.”

Like James Bond, they seem to have the license to kill, which explains why they raided Agatu in Bendel State and wiped out an entire community, moved on to other communities in Lagos, Ibadan, Ilorin, Delta State and Enugu State, without the Federal Government paying them any heed. Even the President, who simply needs a hearty “Hi Mr President, I hope you are having a good morning?” to respond that he could not sleep well because of the corruption of the Goodluck Jonathan administration, failed to criticize the Fulani herdsmen. Just like good old James Bond never drew the ire of the authorities for the trail of blood he left behind.

Perhaps the other little difference was that James Bond was involved as an agent of MI 5 (British Military Intelligence Branch 5). In this role he was a quintessential spy working for his country and fighting for his country. The herdsmen lacked that moral adjunct. But being a very “caring government,” which cares more about fighting corruption than protecting the lives of Nigerians, the Federal Government sought to fix that up by claiming that cattle rearing was a patriotic duty and cattle were more important in its policies than human beings. ***The herdsmen should, therefore, be given free land to graze their cattle and free routes to pass through anybody’s land (farmland included) to where ever they pleased. In the Federal Government’s thinking, it was the cattle that God asked to take charge of the world not human beings (certainly not Nigerians).***

What is more? Even James Bond used to hide his guns. But the Fulani herdsmen are more modern than good old-fashioned Bond. They brandish their AK-47s and other assault rifles like walking sticks before the press, the police and all of humanity.  The latest invasion of Uzo-Uwani local government area, where over 42 persons were killed led to widespread condemnation and the Presidency issued a tame statement calling on the police and the military to bring the herdsmen to book. They have not!!!

The tame statement from the presidency was occasioned by the stringent criticism of the Presidency’s silence in the face of the escalating violence. Information Minister, Lai Mohammed’s claimed after the genocide in Agatu, that the Federal Government was working behind the scenes to curtail the situation. Lai Mohammed was right, for once – he knew the script writers of the genocide and he could talk with them behind the scenes and fine-tune the violence content of the drama. But what, apparently, irked most people and the nation was that the Governor of Enugu, Ifeanyi Ugwuanyi, wept.


The last governor who wept was Sam Mbakwe of Imo State in the Second Republic. Shortly after Mbakwe (who came to be known as the Weeping Governor) wept; there was a coup by Mohammedu Buhari. So Buhari, perhaps, would not want a governor to weep because of what happened last time. More so, the nation was outraged to see a governor weep. The corpses did not matter – there were more at Agatu but the heavens did not fall.

Even Prof Wole Soyinka whose love affair with President Buhari has lately read like David and Jonathan, spoke out against the President for keeping mum. Soyinka should know that all work and no play makes Wole a dull boy. He should spend a little more time away from his books and watch movies. That way he would have known about James Bond and he would have known that when a man or men have the license to kill, Governments do not interfere in homicide cases attributed to them.


So, now that the Police and Military have been ordered to bring these James Bond’s to book, how many of them have been arrested? Have you ever heard of any extremist convicted for killing a Christian or for burning a church? Does it bother them killing so many people? They would not be very good Fulani herdsmen if it did! Victor Uwaifo sang that “If you see mammy water, you should not run away…”  Okay now! But even if you stay when you see mammy water, when you see James Bond(s) please run.