If Tomorrow Comes… | Independent Newspapers Limited
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If Tomorrow Comes…

converastion of an angryman
Posted: May 30, 2016 at 2:00 am   /   by   /   comments (0)

Michael John

One year ago, President Muhammadu Buhari took over power on the premise of “change.” It was a long drawn battle and he maintained that he was going to change Nigeria. He has! You can accuse him of anything but you cannot blame him of not changing Nigeria.

A cup of garri now sells for one hundred Naira (N100) from the twenty Naira (N20) we were used to – that is change. The farmers, like Chief Olusegun Obasanjo, are happy about that and glad for the change – they are smiling to the bank. A bag of rice now costs eighteen thousand Naira, a significant change from the eight thousand Naira it used to be – congrats to farmers. You can even count your purchases and name them one by one and it would surprise what change has done – to your wallet.

But the world is about sadness and joy. The farmers cannot have their new found fortune without tears. Fulani herdsmen have been sent by the devil to kill their joy! The Fulani herdsmen were nice gentle fellows who seldom went about armed – except for cutlasses and bows. They had more respect for farmlands and were at peace with their host communities. Change has affected them most! Now they brandish assault rifles and kill at the drop of a hat. In fact, if they kill and you raise an alarm, they would point out that the persons killed caused the death of their cows. Change means that the life of a cow is more important than the life of man. That is why no one has yet been arrested or tried for the Fulani herdsmen genocides.

Sadly though, President Buhari is not to blame for all these “changes.” If in doubt, ask one Lai Mohammed who has an answer to every question – even when the question has not been asked. Dr Goodluck Jonathan is to blame. He is the one who stole all the cassavas and left to God-knows-where. That is why we cannot afford garri any more. This Jonathan man is something else.

Goodluck Jonathan is also the one who stole all the rice in Nigeria and stashed them away in his miserable home in Bayelsa State. In fact, we are going to investigate him for “rice embezzlement” in the near future. As for the Fulani herdsmen rampage, was it the same Jonathan who created Almajaris schools and they got introduced to guns and Western education and discovered that the gun is mightier than the arrow? What is wrong in Nigeria that we should not blame Goodluck Jonathan for? Ask Lai Mohammed the next time you meet him what Jonathan’s role was in the civil war and he would come up with something “nice and sweet” out of the deep recesses of his imagination mind.

Then there is the case of the removal of the petroleum subsidy. I agree that the damned thing should be removed, but must it be removed now? Simply because the medical doctors have prescribed that you give chloroquine to your son, does not mean you should give him the drug on an empty stomach. Otherwise, you would kill him. That is why the Good Book says that there is a time and a season for everything under the sun. Why pull out the fuel subsidy at a time many States have not been able to pay salaries?

Of course it is still the fault of Goodluck Jonathan. He did not only take all the crude oil to Bayelsa State, good, old Jumbo, the veteran soldier even suggests that “the Jonathan man drinks crude oil for tea these days.” That he explains on good authority is why the price of crude oil went down and only went up a little when he travelled to Ivory Coast.

His performance reminds me of the Seven Up advert line in the eighties which was “The Difference is clear.” A pal rated this most honest advert line he had ever come across, and credited Seven Up bottling company with having integrity and truth. When we probed further he answered irritably, “The difference is clear because it tastes just like water.” Like Seven Up the change is clear.

***It is just one year and we are told that better days are coming – not that these are good days. We have heard that kind of story before.*** It was the football coach, Onigbinde who told us that better footballing days were coming in 2000, after he put together a team Taribo West described as junk. Well, that “tomorrow” never came. Funny one should think of that negative at this time of positive change.