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Columnists, Conversation of an Angryman

Ant Hills Of Justice

Posted: Jan 11, 2016 at 12:00 am   /   by   /   comments (0)


Who ever said that the law is an ass was a damned bloody fool. The law is not an ass at all (at least not in Nigeria); it is a satanic asshole. A kind of circus show filled with high drama, twists and turns. You cannot always tell from the satanic documents known as judgments which side the judge’s bread was buttered. Sometimes the bread is buttered both ways and that is when the judge would say that the court is neither persuaded to believe nor does it disbelieve that there is big difference between a chicken and a fowl. When that happens, watch out for the deployment of these words in a lot of situations, “however,” “but,” “nevertheless,” etc. I see several smiles already… you know what I mean.

Take the judgment given by the election tribunals in some states. The tribunal handling House of Assembly election cases would maintain that all the elections of the members of the House of Assembly were free and fair…and rest the matter there. “Nevertheless” (a judicial term for “but since my hands a tied”) the tribunal handling the governorship election in the particular state would aver that the election of the governor was not free and fair in the entire state or in most of the local government areas.


Don’t laugh! These are the anthills of injustice. The House of Assembly and Governorship elections were done in one day, by the same officials. They provided two sets of documents to the same voters on that day. After collecting both sets of papers the voters voted for the governor and the person they favoured for the House of Assembly. So if one was flawed, then the other was flawed.

This is much like taking an examination with sections A and B. Then the examination authorities claimed that they were cancelling Section A of the paper (not Section B) because they was a fight in the hall and people were not allowed to write the examination. You now query so what of Section B and another department of the same examination body retorts, “Oh there was no problem at all in the hall. Everything went well and the examination took place without hitch.”

So let us give it to the law, it is an asshole. That is why they disguise themselves with wigs so that if you were to see them tomorrow, you would not recognize them. Bishops and Archbishops who have nothing to hide wear tiny pieces of cloth which somehow sticks to their heads. How those things manage to stick to their heads without falling down must be one of the seven wonders of the modern world. Not judges who have to cover their heads and parts of their faces to you-now-know-why.

We have seen many curious judgments. Take the case of a member of the House of Representatives who lost the primary election of his party and did not contest the main election. His people thought it was good riddance to bad rubbish. They were wrong. The gentleman surfaced in Abuja and obtained judgment in a court of law declaring that he was validly elected. The man who one the election appealed and while the case lingered in the Federal Court of Appeal, our man was very visible in the House of Representatives and received all legislative entitlements. The Court of Appeal was outraged and maintained the judgment was defective in every respect. Our man went to the Supreme Court and that was how he was asked to leave the hallowed chambers.

A similar case in the Senate ended the other way. The Senator who did not contest the election saw off his term. The man who contested and won the election was in court until the usurper served out his term. I tell you something, justice may be blind in the world but in Nigeria, it is blind in only one eye.